tummy full of gold leads to a toilet full of gold    Nov. 17th, 2008 | 03:56 pm     photoshoot last night. fucking a blast gettin all squirted with dyes of all different colors I felt like i was in a tye dye battle. So far Pat did a really good job.. I believe Im chubbier than I think. When I see an actual photo of my ass im like holy shit im a cow! anyways i drank too much and was choking on my lungs last night and could hardly sleep.. turned into cold sweats and hot sweats then i was gagging.. and the topper was a constant pulsating headache. i called in sicky sick my first time. krista was cool about it. I just got thai food..tom yum soup.. i found an actual tasty restaurant this time because that Lemongrass one on waukegan fuckin sucks dude. then i watched "the tibet book of the dead" and how that turned into the "the psychadelic experience". then fell asleep for 3 hours with the history channel mumbling in the background..i love dreams with a narrarator.      Link   Leave a comment   mama kin    Oct. 27th, 2008 | 10:54 pm     momma sold the house that daddy built daddy ate the cake that momma made baby cries in her crib      Link   Leave a comment   take the NJ turnpike to Morocco    Sep. 27th, 2008 | 07:08 pm     So I'm driving home from my pointless job at the blood bank. I just got hired to work on an almost vacant floor, with an empty desk and zip nada zero to do. I was sitting there scribbling out math problems that were equivalent to the ones where no matter what you did with them the answer was plus over minus sign next to one. or like doin multiplications of 0.. duh. On my way home, Im driving down golf heading the opposite way home than i do from my job in real life so I guess my "rem" job is directly east on golf. Traffic slows down to a stop right in front of the Kraft buildings. I hear and see ambulances buzzing in the distance making theyre way like little toy trinkets to the scene. Then I see the hold up. There are two cars intermingled, wrapped in eachother arms..and ejected from these cars 2 black people. One in sliding over the bloody pavement driven by her arms as her legs are not functioning..the lady is trying to clear her own body so the cars can get by. talk about priorities out of wack. The other body is headless. A bloody stump. There is a little boy carrying the head away from the scene of the accident.. It definately seems like a gory free for all. then im playing a show, and i forget that susan is out of town and cant make it. bret goes to get a friend to drum and never returns. weird. last night was pretty fun. ally michelle and i went out. i think were forming a new posse which is cool. We can probably add alex into the mix and it would be our own little gang. our colors will be denim and neon green and our gang signs would be somesort of animal that once projected on the wall makes a really cute shadow puppet.      Link   5 comments - Leave a comment   its a business time    Sep. 25th, 2008 | 10:07 pm     i know im getting older.. i would have never imagined to be the way i am today • i get satisfaction from sitting on my couch with a cigarette and admiring the amazing windexing job ive done • i actually keep a planner and USE it and abide by it.. i think its the colorful post-its that appeal to me • i get starbucks coffee now almost every morning and cant start the day cheerfully without it Today was officially my last class at the illinois institue of art. I turned in my paper and said adios to eduardo and adam. It's nice to see I've made at least 3 friends in my last quarter, even though we are an ecclectic group and probably have nothing in common outside of design. here's the graduating graphic designers of september 2008!! Here I am in front of my almost non-existant display making a fudge face Here's me and me mum in her pink lemonade ensemble and the macduff clan came out!      Link   Leave a comment   happy fryday    Sep. 5th, 2008 | 09:19 pm     just ran over to see the muzzler at knights of columbus. i like the vibe there..not for me but for the kids there. theyre all so chipper and the boys now adays greet eachother with hugs its so cute. eddie's an awesome front man he says the funniest things.. more like how he says them. hah quotes from home alone and birthday riffs. i can tell pete and omie are a little frazzled by ed's comments. but fuck em what would they say? ally said karen asked for my number today..i hope she calls i wanna see whats up on the kowalski side of the hood. yvonnes moving to la and is obsessed with her boyfriend..beauty romance fame. d was supposed to go to the show with me but she took a snoozer on my mini couch and shes still sleeping. i tried waking her up but its pointless. should i clean?? yes. i will. im so bored!!! but i cant go out cauz i wanna see eddie tonight before he ventures to vegas. maybe i should stop worrying about my social life and focus on family and myself. get prepared. oh god.      Link   Leave a comment   i, d, wed    Aug. 29th, 2008 | 07:38 pm     dorothy got married today! with ally and i in our matching "blouse" ensembles and late night jewel bouqets hand cut by ally..4 hours of sleep and a run around looking for parking. d was slap happy and nodding off at parts due to her lack of sleep.. she calls sleep an "inconvenience". i almost cried when the judge read the shpeal but then ally let out a whopping WHOOOO!!! im going to miss d like crazy.. shes got to be my favorite person in the whole world.. shes so oblivious to everything that i wish i was oblivious to. she follows her heart and says "all for one and fuck em all" heres some pics from today. d bride!!      Link   Leave a comment   photoshopping spree    Aug. 18th, 2008 | 06:27 pm     i worked a few hours today, came home, wrote some tunage while grillin some chicken and then i decided to put on some makeup and snap a few pics. Its been forever since ive actually taken a picture of myself. it'll be fun to look back on it one day. this is kind of how ive been feeling lately.. an aspirin advertisement updates dorothy is getting married to cassidy and moving to seattle.. mom just listed her condo ally is partyin it up but freakin out about her unemployment alex is getting fired from her fake job today susan is getting married and i really dont want to go eddie is moving in in about a month      Link   Leave a comment   the law of attraction    Jul. 28th, 2008 | 05:22 pm     in a cold sweated fury as I was "getting ready" this morning I caught little tid bits from the Oprah Show..where this woman was being interviewed. She is so gung ho on "the secret" and the idea of the universe giving you what you put out aka the law of attraction that she refuses to receieve medical attention for her severe illness. I didnt catch what it was that she had but none the less this woman is a genuine coockalloo. ally also claims that I in fact did not coin the term coockalloo but I beg to differ. Anyways I do believe in the law of attraction just as I believe Karma.. but I dont think it always works. A positive mental attitude is always a good thing to possess.. but i dont think it answers prayers and wishes as much as we'd like it to. Its just common sense.. when you have a bad day.. it usually encompasses a series of horrible things happening. a chain of scummy events.. I cherish those days because a. theyre hilarious and b. they make the "good days" so much better... man i wish gooder was a word. anyways ive been having a string of good luck lately but you know i always consider murphys law. Lopez just donated my fundraising group a fender strat starters pack which will make me instantly popular tommorrow in class.. but i must have my "a booger a day keeps the doctor away" article completed or else ill be on the shit list again. i just finished reading all of my books I rented from the biblioteca..not to be confused with discoteca. i also called comcast cauz i was under the impression i owed em money this month since i received no bill and oddly enough they OWE ME 17 dollars.. strange. Im now reading the time travellers wife that ally lent me , it was written by a columbia proffessor.. i just started it and im already getting butterflies.. its gonna be a sweet ass love story. Apparently dorothy lied about how she met cassidy.. ally found out they didnt meet at cheers like d had claimed.. and she wont tell her the truth.. im guessing it was a seattle craigs list personal ad or something and shes just embarrassed.. that or shes a phone sex hotline operator or something. im meeting susie for band tonight. i shouldnt have pointed out to ally how i think susie rubs in her flaws.. or just blatantly makes fun of her for being a "whore". i also got a text today from yvonne about her bday bash this weekend.. im totally NOT going how strange that would be. my heart drops when i see her texts.. just like your heart feels when you hear about a fresh ex-boyfriend. anyways eddie is moving in in about a month... takin it to the next step. man i wish i could get down tonight but i got my crimson wave about 2 hours ago.. so i guess its a one way street tonight. i wrote a new song.. its very simple and poppy but with the right vocals it will be rad. i have the chorus as "blue baby" right now.. i either wanna talk about bloody marys baby..the whole urban legend or just make it a silly bit composed of dead baby jokes. or i could talk about something entirely different or find another3 syllable line. tommorrows gonna be a long ass day.. i hope i graduate.. i feel like a slacker and a half. oh and that josh guy i think thats his name.. he loved cky and was in my fundamentals classes.. is a fine ass fox.. but no one has a personality like eddie. i think i hit the jackpot on this one.,. never thought i'd say that haha.      Link   Leave a comment   tourgasm 2008    Jul. 19th, 2008 | 08:10 pm     Just before hitchin a ride with sarah and her boy toy to irish fest..hence the excitement in our eyes irish fest the mutiny after irish fest..oh lordy the end      Link   Leave a comment   cheating ink on my hand, yet still marking the wrong answer.    Jul. 15th, 2008 | 11:40 pm     i have this feeling in my gut, more like a non-feeling.. a vacancy..a giant cave with only a few bats lingering upside down. I can feel them sway from time to time.. but they wont be released.. i tell them over and over.. but they continue in their slumbers. how frustrating this is. This is cave was created by my increasingly intensive inferiority complex. I just read up on a few things about it. The main problem is said to stem from a child hood experience.. not enough love, or being driven into the ground by others. I try to think back, and i usually recall everything but i dont think i had a bad childhood at all. I had lots of friends, although my family wasnt a big part of my upbringing.. i recall being really nervous and hesitant to join in any family activity. i usually fought and threw hissy fits whenever i had to put on a dress and go to my uncle's. BUT WHY?? what made me so afraid of other people? Even today the thought of showing up at a family engagement makes my heart drop. My dad would say he'd pick me up at some random gas station between the burbs and the city.. and more often than not he was a no show.. could this be why?? waiting for rejection... fuck. the article says exactly how i feel.. when youre around certain people you put certain opinions in their head about you and you believe them even though you yourself put them there to begin with.. but those insecurities shine through and then the people might actually subconciously believe the opinion you have planted. where as when youre around your friends, you already know or think they like you so youre comfortable with them.. now if you just put opinions in others heads like "they like me" "they think im funny" or "they think im nice and harmless" then walla!! but how to get past the initial thought of "they must hate me"... do we ourselves give off the same vibes to other people?? god i really have more important things to do than dwell on shit like this..      Link   Leave a comment   cabin crazed fever    Jul. 7th, 2008 | 01:12 am     Here I go again, typing in random font color codes.. lets see what funky concoction we have today. Just got back from a pointless voyage over to austin and dickens.. to run into rasta hat rat and to trip over my own shadow in our dimly lit practice room. I started writing a song about my self and how uncomfortable I get around certain people.. its about being a wallflower but a little less pretty than a flower.. more like a weed. its completely retarded especially with the blue-sy hard rock guitar sound im trying to fit with it. square pegs.round holes. well all holes are round arent they>> isnt that what a hole is?? god.. my head hurts from all the cooped up ness.. and with that comes food and lots of cigarettes. and tv. actually reading gives me a bigger headache than anything cauz my eyes are so horrible. koosh has been so adorable lately.. i dont want to leave her side.. shes like me and eddie's little baby.. which might end up having to be that way considering my mums has a septated uterus and i probably have the same. i wish he'd just move in already.. i mean i just want to see him all the time.. he puts me in a good mood whenever he's around. but then again sometimes i have feelings for other people too.. but just for a second. like i visited eric 13's myspace and i almost whipped out my vibrator.. jesus hes smokin!! way to go ally. but my man is almost haha as atttractive and a lot more tangible. fuck.. work tommorrow.. this whole week 10-3pm which means 25 hours...times 12 is 250 bucks if you average 10 out for taxes.. or maybe its more than ten i dunno. no more cable tv.. and its always a crapshoot if dvds work or not. it lends more time for me and eddie to get down and dirty..with a game of egyptian ratscrew (its a card game, dont fret.. ha i wish we were that kinky). my mom annoys me because all she talks about is what mike won her at the carnival and what puzzle she's working on.. if only we had a better relationship. i guess im taking my half sister the rude adolescent to warped tour in august. god that days gonna be long and boozeless.. argh. i guess i could pass out some cds or something.. be productive. school next week.. fuck me sideways.. i dont want to face chris cisson again.. i hate that condescending fuckface. and all of the head up their ass students as well. such goodie gum drops.. i wanna chew em and swish em down with a shot of 3 wisemen and then puke em all over the parking lot.. garsh what a bitter jerk i have become. my head hurts.. hammering ouch. Hopefully I'll have some fun projects to work on tommorow.. lord knows i have a fun lunch. (salad in a tupperware... i think its the tupperware that excites me more than its contents). well maybe ill go to delilahs tomoroow and play pacman.. im so antisocial.. hah but i dont care because pacman and beer rules.. so fuck all ya'all. maybe eddie can pick me up.. and alex can drive.. she loves monday night beer night. oh crap i think im supposed to hang with ally and d though.. maybe i can drag them there. ok im going to read my groupie boook now.. its interesting.. pattie boyd.. the woman who wrote the book was married to george harrison of the beatles and eric clapton and the song layla and wonderful tonight are both about her.. man lucky whore. thats ok because im sure the muzzler has songs about me.. "dumbmotherfucker" hah g'night world.      Link   Leave a comment   the mints melted over everything    Jun. 12th, 2008 | 06:41 pm     fuckin waiter at olive garden was tryin to get a tip out of us last week by dumping a pile of Andes Mints on our table.. I ended up giving him that tip too considering we only ordered salad. now theres melted shit all over my legs, eddie's car, the ipod and my trusty exacto blade. my car is finally ready to be picked up.. god im so exhausted and all i did was go to the portfolio show and book a trailer at uhaul. i think im really uptight and i need to loosen up or im going to jump into a well and stay there for a while. like everything irritates me, i have constant headaches im always hot and i feel like everythings dirty. i feel like my clothes are dirty, my house..my lungs. i just want to snap at everyone seriously. i know d is coming over to do my hair and i know the smell of the bleach is going to really get under my skin. i got a text from yvonne last night asking me to go out tonight and drink in the city, but tonight is my last hang out sesh with the prince before he leaves for tour on saturday. I almost contemplated ditching him for her... isnt that disgusting? what is my hang up with this broad seriously? i guess were hanging out on sunday, sounds fun. actually it made me kind of sad looking at her pictures (current day pictures) because she just looks so happy.. like ive never seen her smile the way she's smiling in these photos. it makes me feel kind of lonely.. like do i genuinely smile now adays?? am i as happy as i could be?? i dont really think so but i dont think theres anything thats lacking that could make me much happier. maybe its because i dont have a family with sisters and brothers who identify with my lifestyle and upbringing and are always there to back me up no matter what. it seems like to me the most important thing in life is having fun.. and i feel like having fun is hard to do sometimes. im always thinking... thinking thinking.. i cant just let loose. like maybe it appears i am.. but im really not. i feel really uninspired and uninteresting. how come i can trim my nails with manicure scissors on my left hand but not on the right.. like im holding the scissors the same way and applying force and i end up with itchy hangnails... that frustrates me too. i just sneezed 4 times in a row...im an snuffeluffagus whos about to have a caniption. i secretly wish i could be single... because if youre not.. theres just plan after plan ahead... after he moves in.. we'll eventually get married... man i feel like that'd be the end of the line. im so lucky to have him though..hes really a great catch and has his head on straight..which is hard to find. i know we both like what we do but we kind of hate it in away and we identify on that level. i just feel like being with him is so effortless.. its hard to meet people like that. ally is one of them. i feel like eveyrone else exhausts me, especially susan and bret. i like listening to all the enlightening things they have to say but i feel embarrassed to delve into the subjects because i dont know much about them. i wish i knew more about everything.. i try but then i get bored because reading cnn.com is just so tiring. thats why id like to start a webpage (more like stumble upon one) where intellectual material is discussed but in a more artsy and entertaining way.. like a best week ever for the brainy... instead of for pop culture. so i finished the last of the vegetarian chili and spaghetti all i have left are nasty cans of beef ravioli and a sausage pizza that im not lookin forward to waiting for while it cooks.. got im impatient. d is here. buhbye      Link   Leave a comment   he has planets in my planets?    Jun. 8th, 2008 | 10:34 pm     this weekend was a blast in my face. friday night i just cleaned and went to the gym which im trying to go to everyday until we leave to build my stamina. so far i havent gone today, but i plan on it. im trying to not spend my greens..but somehow we went out last night or shall i say this morning for d's bday and ii spend about $180. we went to a drag impersonation show at the baton which was pretty interesting, filled with chaotic brides to be. the drinks were 9 bucks a pop and parking was insane. aferwards we went to Hydrate which is a gay bar in boys town. it was like night of the living homos. and none of them were hot and i was wearing those intense spiky boots that i sprained my ankle in so i got a work out and a half just strutting through the town. we ended up at the exit at 3:30 until lights came on at 5. proceeded to hollywood grill with 2 dudes one who looked like chris elliot and seemed stoned out of his skull and his friend who kept commenting on how he wanted to devour my legs...very unsettling. spent the night at d's cauz i thought i lost my keys and eddie met ally and i here at 11 after 3 hours of sleep just to find out in never took the keys with me when i left for the night in the first place. i was a little worried he would lash out at me for being drunk and irresponsible but he was exstatic just to see us! he pulled up with a smirk on his face. ally and i then went to see janet the tarot card reader, where I got an overall positive reading.. saying eddie would move in by the end of fall and we would get married within the next two years. tour would be great for us by building contacts and friendships.. but to lookout for low end fastfood restauraunts on the road because she seen upset stomachs.. also that i would graduate but then again i would have trouble at first about finding a job. I feel like i dont need to go to psychics anymore.. i just realized before i even went that i just want life to run its course.. i think i just enjoy janet's company..shes just so comforting and reassuring. i always leave there feeling on the up and up. i really dont know what life has for me at this point. i am comfortable with the fact that anything can happen. im just really lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people like ally alex dorothy and eddie. i can branch out from there but those are the significant forces in my daily life. alex i know you are upset right now about how things are turning out but i truly believe you have great things in your future if you just tred through it. after every dry spell in life is an amazing breakthrough waiting around the corner.      Link   Leave a comment   2008    May. 25th, 2008 | 10:12 am     this will be a pivotal year. mark my words.      Link   Leave a comment   ......pluto isnt even a planet anymore!!    May. 23rd, 2008 | 05:02 pm     man.. its so nostalgic to look at facebook.. i dont really like facebook because its so nosy.. like everytime i write a comment for someone it tells everyone what i wrote.. thats kind of bizarre.. i found gigi on there.. the little girl i used to babysit.. such a bright young lady and yet sooo flaming hot!! i seriously think shes amazingly gorgeous..dude she looks like jessica alba. its so neat to see people grow up. I think it would be insane to see kims lil brother, i hear hes like 6 foot tall! i seen a glimpse of a picture of karen working a huge studio camera.. awesome. haha its just insane how great and far everyone has come.. i kinda feel like i havent grown at all. this is my third day of no smoking.. well i have 3 marlboro lights yesterday since we were doing an interview and i was nervous as hell.. and the day before i had one. but come on in the amount of time i would normally smoke 60 cigarettes. and i only smoked 5. i think when i go to the concert tonight im going to have a few. fuck it its the weekend.      Link   Leave a comment   clean yo house bitch    May. 15th, 2008 | 05:52 pm     i have a lot on my plate right now, its just about seperatin the peas from the mashed potaters now. My house isnt a complete mess but its in the mood for a little facelift. i want to move my desk into the livingroom to set up a design station. I need new clothes and paper towels to windex the mirrors and tables with. I need to do dishes laundry take out the trash and vaccuum.. and i need to get a HUGE planner to write down the oodles of shit i need to take care of a. print business cards letterhead on special paper etc. b. start on my client kit for the muzzler c. start on next set of work for the portfolio(4 weeks left) d. finish booking pittsburgh and one more date e. get tix for judas priest for d and ally f. ally weekend.. grad party and portfolio show ok so right now im going to call alex while i put laundry in and then im going to go shopping.      Link   Leave a comment   remember its nothing that the right combination of jelly bellys cant cure    Apr. 19th, 2008 | 05:56 pm     theres something about watching footage of a band playing in a basement and then watching them perform on a huge stage with amazing sound. Its just so magical. Sometimes Ill listen to my garage band recordings or bathroom recordings of song in their fetal stages and then listen to the full mixed version complete with drums and bass.. its just so.. refreshing. i like the process of the song writing.. i love songs that start out with a watered down coffeeshop sounding clean guitar with vocals and then everything slams into full gear with distortion and pounding drums. fuck yeah. im very happy right now.. im just super nervous.. but i let the nerves build until that pivotal moment where things have to be done or i will have a mini heartattack. the weird thing about cooking is that you cant remember how much you ate during the prepartion of the meal.. you cut up some cheese and then one cheese square looks deformed so ill eat it to hide the evidence that i failed to create a perfect mozzerlla cube in the first place. then ill cook some sauage and then some pieces look like theyve been chewed already so i make it a reality.. when im done cooking im not particularly hungry or full.. so ill drink a coke and smoke 4 cigarettes. my favorite song of all time is still school by nirvana...and sappy and pennyroyal tea. sometimes i hate nirvana because when i listen to them im so envious because i can never write something as powerful catchy and heavy.. its like they took every element from every amazing song ever and created this catacylismic cocktail. its like when they came out they bumped every other band off the map.. i still feel like their presence has remained in that same state. how deep is too deep.. and how shallow is acceptable to the swimmers daring enough to be floating in the deepend? im starting to hate graphic design      Link   Leave a comment   smoking cures my cancer    Mar. 12th, 2008 | 01:05 am     im putting together my portfolio and its due on thursday..i feel like it looks kinda subpar.. i went to print shit out at kinkos today and it took and hour and i got only one ad printed.. the little asian man moves like a snail and i dont think he has a clue about what he's doing. i was screwed over by some other asians earlier on.. it was 9pm im sick as a dog and i thought the only remedy was tomyum soup so i called the thai noodle and the phone was all static but it sounded liike they did it on purpose like as if they were russling a plastic baggie on the receiver.. then i called again and a man answered and started talking in circles and then basically said they werent going to deliver to me.. but then again their menu says they deliver up until 930..fucking bastards.. how do i complain?? so tommorrow i need to print my ad, my photo of the bus shelter with the ad in it.. annual report..2nd package piece..corporate id cards letterhead and envelope. and a cover and 2 spreads of my italy brochure.. jesus christ superstar! man oh man. and tommorrow is my long day at work how ever will i get it done?? if only i wasnt so sick today maybe tommorrow i will be better..or worse?? shit.. but eric called and wants me to design a logo for redlight studios that will be a huge billboard on the side of the road in chicago and bret needs an identity for the business he's starting, new bear technologies.. he said he'd pay me 70 an hour.. thats insane!! who knows if eric will pay me considering he replaced my window on my car when it got busted out at their space and it cost him 800 dollars or somethin crazy like that.. i shoudnt freak too much cauz this is only portfolio 1 and theres a part 2.. so whatever. i get to see eddie tonight and if im lucky he'll play a game of egyptian ratscrew with me.. oh i should also take a pic of the interior design poster i did. whoo hoo. hootie hoo.. bootie boo.. argh. 2 more quarters thank god.. and then im a not so free woman... i dont know what the future holds but i really enjoy life.. or im just enjoying the fact that i got some awesome overall pants suits.. but i cant wear them because its still like 30 degrees outside. i ate so much today.. i was getting the sweats real bad when i was napping and then i woke up sick as hell and had to cancel the hair appointment i had with dorothy.. im so broke too its not even funny. well the prince has arrived.. toodles      Link   Leave a comment   until ive defeated myself..    Mar. 9th, 2008 | 05:41 pm     im ansy as hell.. my blood is rushing through my veins like a freight train.. i dont need drugs or alcohol , my mind makes me tipsy enough. i want to crack my knuckles until they bleed and my face is heating up.. like leftovers left too long in the microwave. i dont fit in anywhere anymore and im comfortable with it.. but i dont think people around me are comfortable. im exhausted but i havent lifted a finger.. i want to i need to read i need to soak up knowledge.. i need a brain vacation. i miss eddie he makes me feel grounded and he talks and talks and fills in the gaps.. i know the right things to say to him.. but no one else.. i need something to hold converse about.. its always gossip.. i need to move on. ally doesnt call me anymore...      Link   Leave a comment   getting comfortable with being uncomfortable    Mar. 4th, 2008 | 12:07 am     why is that we're more farmiliar with lonliness and mediocricy than happiness? its like you always remember the "great times"..is that because theyre so few and far between? i have a few moments in my life that i just smile back on. i think its when you learn to laugh at the bad times too..thats when you know youre comfortable with being uncomfortable. ive made my own career in my head about how im a fuck up and im clumsy and have bad luck and i think its hilarious.. its when times are nuetral..thats when i freak out.. when things are bad im like wow theres drama and dark excitement...and then theres the other end of the spectrum. so apparently bret got up and went on a roadtrip to newyork with vauhn..interesting,,hopefully he comes back ..if not ill have to kick yvonne's talentless ass out of the scissors and join up haha. im a mean woman. this weekend we played at the mutiny and it was suprisingly packed. we had to play last which sucked but people stuck around and people were actually singing along..who knows how they knew the words. we barely drank so we were more than decent to play straight. then we all gathered at the mad minute house for the motown throwdown which was awesome.. everyone was dancing and having a good time until someone ripped the sink out of the wall. that house is always being ripped to shreds..its funny cauz i dont live there but i can imagine all the shit dom and them have to put up with.. especially charlie. its always nice after a long week of work and shows and drinks and antics to cuddle with eddie and laugh about everything, i hope he's there forever. our love isnt a mystical romantic flurry but more like something thats tangible and real. i think he's gorgeous.. he has these great eyes and dark eyebrows that are inticing and luring. he smells amazing..and i love doing everything with him,, he's just a little fragile.. like i cant grab him too hard or bite him or anything which is frustrating sometimes..im kinda starting to get bored with my routine.. wake up, school, work, band..blahblahblah.. were going to florida in 3 weeks exactly.. i hope i work my ass off up until then so i feel deserving of it. 7 days is a long time i hope we dont get bored with eachother. i remember last time we went i nervous about him seeing me with my hair wet and eating and i wanted to die everytime i felt the urge to take a crap. but now i think things will be a liot more lax. man i hope one day i can have his children and be married and happy..blahblahblah.. wow that sounds boring. haha..but i dont know whats going to happen so ill take it one inch at a time....i hope i dont lose my spunk i feel like im getting too cozy with being whatever.... i need to take it up a notch... but theres not enough time for soul searching when theres deadlines and dishes in the sink. right now though im pretty much on target with everything or at least i think i am.      Link   Leave a comment   <<< top >>>

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